Stress – How it can Kill You if You let it.

Part 1 of my journey of change – the voice of my heart.

Past career – past stresses

I walked away from a job in 2011 after 20 years that was over the last 5 years of it killing me – all because of stress – I failed to recognise the signs and symptoms and also thought I was invincible and super woman.
In early October 2010 I just about made it home – I know I drove home stupid I know I know – and within 15 minutes went into a sudden cardiac attack – ie my heart went into melt down – and I was having a huge arrhythmia attack.

Most sudden cardiac deaths are caused by abnormal heart rhythms called arrhythmias. The most common life-threatening arrhythmia is ventricular fibrillation, which is an erratic, disorganized firing of impulses from the ventricles (the heart’s lower chambers). When this occurs, the heart is unable to pump blood and death will occur within minutes, if left untreated.

All this from stress – I was taken into hospital where I was given medication that stopped my heart and restarted it again to attempt to get the arrhythmia back on track and slow down – as the next stage was full cardiac arrest – (sounds very dramatic and scary – it was I have never consciously held onto a nurse and consultants hands so much in my life and just begged them to help me) – 3 days later I left hospital and told that I was in need of some serious help – but I what I got was some serious help from the best Heart Hospital and consultant in Europe at Broadgreen.

I went in on 29th April 2011 and my operation was 88% successful – apparently they had fun playing space invaders in my heart – Left ventricular de-fibrillation is what Mr Mark Hall did – thank god I was asleep – but next time I apparently need to stay awake eeek – hence why putting off for as long as I can.

I know for me its taken me a few years to actually really try to address and stop the stress impact and its consequences on me – I get stressed easily, I tended to over personalise things – if it went wrong it was because I was at fault, I was the problem, I am to blame – I continued to batter myself on leaving work, worry about money, worry about kids, worry about me – hit menopause lost the plot – flitted all over the place trying to find what I wanted to do – lost a heap of money, friends, because of some of the issues thought I was losing my sanity and my marriage and thought I had lost me. I thought life what shit to be honest.

The year from hell – ok I just lost my way!

2014 turned out to be the best and the worst year – you would have thought 2011 was – but nope – I am a slow burner – and I burnt and smouldered and hurt myself until November 2014 and I woke up from a bit of a fog – fuck me did I wake up (apologies for swearing if offended but I actually do swear).
I looked around me and made a choice to change – (thought I had as had read and listened to all the self help, spiritual stuff and people, books and videos ) but it all just kept nothing at bay and the shite kept coming – and then I looked at me, really looked at me and decided I needed to just stop.
So I did – and then good things started happening – not huge things or at fast paces but small little things – and things begun to change.

As you can see from the video – its all about learning to manage your stress and recognising what the causes are and how to combat them – don`t do what I did for so long – ignore, fight and under estimate what stress can do – both to you and those you love around you – I was a martyr and a warrior but realised the only one I was hurting was those I loved around me and me – the total opposite to what I wanted or thought I was doing . Stupid yes absolutely.

Never under estimate your past – learn from it and move on

In 1995 and in 1996 I nearly died from Eclampsia – my daughters where both still born but I was lucky I was alive, on both occasions they fought to save my life and thank goodness they did – sadly the longer term impact both emotionally and mentally were much more long lasting than the physical impact. But on both occasions I went into cardiac arrest – possibly this was the first real signs I had a heart problem – who knows but I had in 2010 been given a 3rd chance to get it right and for so so long I had – like so many other women – just got on with life. Took it all in my stride, worked harder, did not give up (fought hard to have kids born alive and well and me well) and just kept up the warrior mode and of course being super woman – I did it all.

I fought for everyone – Trade Union secretary, spokesperson at conferences, extra work, degrees and qualifications, work work work, lived hard and played hard – and did not realise just how miserable I was making myself – the mask was on and the sword was in hand.

Then my world (created and designed by me) fell apart, I had taken the voluntary redundancy and my grieving for a career, job and identity began and continued – of course it did, this was me living in chronic stress mode again – cycle of learnt behaviour for me and a coping strategy I only knew.

Post attack but in denial

From 21012 – 2014 I was in denial and fear – adding more and more un-necessary stress to a world I did not need – and while it was better than when in a full time job and career prior to October 2010 it was really just a smaller version of what had been happening then. I got into negative thought patterns, negative behaviour patterns and it was like the self destruct button was under my finger and regularly just being tested to see how far I would take me or my family to the edge of pressing.

By grief was so deep rooted and that I felt my whole identity was so wrapped up in my work and career, I thought it was me – so losing all that was like grieving for a part of me that had died and maybe I was taking myself there unconsciously.

Decision to change – I woke up from a fug

Then as I said I made a decision to change – I knew I was losing my sanity as it was insanity to keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results. Was there an aha moment – sadly I had had a few, but choose to ignore them in 2012, 2013 but the one in 2014 was driving in the car from a part time job taken and just pulled over side of road and sobbed – I hated it. What did I want ? What was I going to do ? How was I going to make those changes? I was at a loss – but for the first time I woke up from a fug – a fog so deep set that I had just been living and not really doing anything more – I knew then that I wanted more but most of all I deserved more, my kids and hubby deserved more and they deserved the happy fun me the real me – the me they loved – but the I needed to get back to loving me and me then being able to really love them all back – love the world back – be me. So I drove home, sat hubby down – kids got into it all too lol – and they just told me to stop hurting myself and start doing what I loved.

Literally the next day – a friend from past asked me to do some work with her in local school and so it all began to change. I began to really see what changes I could make, what choices I have and what chances I have been given.

I started 2015 as I promised I would start it – making changes – positive changes.
I started with money , my love life/ marriage, my family, my business, my friends and through out them all myself. The most important one I often sadly forgot about or used to abuse.

Its Emotional – but good

Its been an emotional year so far – not all has gone smoothly but slowly but surely things are improving – and I know I am at the end of the year ie now also changing other negative behaviours re food and relationship to food and weight – which has just been thrown in there as well lol.

But most of all I am finding what makes me smile, laugh and enjoy life again – hormones don`t help but hey thats the joys of aging and being female …… and I cry alot – just getting it all out, trying to stop being that warrior woman getting angry annoyed, frustrated and so forth – adverts get me going, doesn`t have to take much – but its a source of huge fun in the house – who can get mum sobbing over daft things lol. But its ok –

I have been able to look more and more in the mirror over this year and put the pieces of me back together again – some good people have helped, some via business who are now good good close friends and others via knitting who are now getting more and more close as friends. Others I have let go and thats ok – my circle of friends is rather small but my networking of colleagues is rather large.

Hubby and me – getting on better, marriage sorted – we still have a few pings in the ring now and again – I am an aries and he is libra – says it all – me quick to react him slow burner – but we are 25 years married and 27 years together so I think holding our own.

Kids – I am blessed – nothing more needs said.

Business & BizMums Networking

Business – well thats on the improvement side – the Knitting Fairy has come out and proud, freelancing working away and its all just moving from strength to strength – even got into the finals of BizMums Awards – Creative Business 2015 – so not all bad then

So can stress kill you? Yes it bloody well can so why are you allowing it to.

Chronic stress over long long periods of time is a silent killer and often many cardiac deaths are caused by it all – please please do not allow this time little word get so much play time in your life and have the huge impact that it will do to you and those you love around you.

Take action now – do not live with regrets – I know I am not any longer allowing chronic stress to have a heart hold on me or my families lives – I want to be around for a rather long time, to spend time with my kids, see them into adult hood, their own families and be a grandparent. I want to spend time with my grumpy ole fella who I adore and want a retirement where we can be there for one another into old age.

Business wise – I no longer want to the have any regrets and my vision of big is now what I am talking about and wanting to put our there.

So don`t let stress kill you – don`t let chronic stress get a grip.

Guided Meditation In Coaching

Guided Meditation in Coaching can bring about deeper and longer lasting positive change for the future – I can hear the deep breathes already even before I have started – REALLY – I hear you ask.

Well yes – I am finding that the more work I am doing with people keeps taking me back to an interest and passion I have always had around me to do with this side of my work. Meditation, relaxation, therapies that can sit with people to help them – getting to know yourself from the inside out – touching base with your inner person, inner self, inner goddess – who ever it might be – but touching base there and HEALING many of the deep rooted issues there, before moving on to becoming more successful personally and in career or business.

Using it to work on my self is so beneficial – the clouds or fog of confusion and lack of clarity are lifting and I believe I am in a better frame of mind, knowing and understanding of what it is I want, what my goals and ambitions are and also being more calm, more in control and greater enabled to become focused on HOW I am going to go about getting them.

Guided Meditation In Coaching don`t necessarily sit together in the purest of senses according to many – but for me I really think they do – not everyone is business savvy in how they approach things, many of my clients need space and time to work out what to focus on first and how to get the space to be able to do that.

Using Guided Meditation techniques in my Coaching sessions – where it is requested and agreed to – does just that – we spend a bit of the session focusing on the guided meditation and then discuss what the meditation brought about for them and decide on action plans for the future – goals can become clearer and focus is more defined and clarity is there as the client is less stressed, more relaxed and able to get to what they really want to focus on rather than it often getting jumbled up in the chaos and jabber that often surround many of us when trying to make changes in our lives. The inner self talk can be a powerful tool for good but it can also cause self doubt and sabotage on being able to get to where we want to go far too easily.

Hence why Guided Meditation & Coaching works for me with some of my clients – not all want to use it but its one that I use with increasing frequency.

Often primarily in the early days of the coaching relationship and then many clients go on to want just meditation sessions as it allows them space and time to focus on what they want for themselves and to learn to get better at it and hone the skill of meditation more.

What is Guided Meditation?

Guided meditation is when you are guided, by a narrator, to elicit a specific change in your life. You are first guided to relax your body and mind, to help you reach a deep meditative state before going on a journey, in your mind, to reach a specific goal.

As the brain does not distinguish between an imagined event and a real one, the experience you have with a guided meditation is just like having a real experience. This has an amazing effect on your life due to the way the brain works.

There are many studies that show that practicing something in your mind is almost as good as practicing it in real life.

The beauty of a guided meditation is that you can bring about change in your body by using your mind, and that means activating muscles, changing your biological state, and even changing the way the cells in your body work.

Pay attention! Here comes the science bit

I am often asked why guided meditation is so effective, so I would like to give you a little science behind guided meditation, and why it benefits you so much.

If you think of your mind as being an MP3 player, with hundreds of songs uploaded. All the songs on this MP3 player represent a program that dictates the way you think, act and behave in certain situations. These programs have been installed since your childhood and more added as you’ve aged.

So, for example if you were told, as a child that you were no good at maths, a program has been installed in your subconscious mind telling you that you’re no good at maths. Years later as an adult, someone asks you how to do a calculation for something, you quickly tell them ‘Oh, I don’t know I’m no good at maths.’ Your brain doesn’t even try the calculation as it takes it for granted that you’ll never be able to do it as you’re no good at maths.

The fascinating part about all of this is that the programs have not only been written and stored in the brain, but stored in the very cells of your body. The brain has literally created a path, a neural network, to coordinate your actions based on environmental factors, which speaks to the cells in your body.

If you stop to think about the implications of this for a second, you’ll realize that our genes do not determine who we are; it’s the images we create in our minds of ourselves that determine who we are.

We have thousands of programs written into our subconscious mind, and each program will determine how we think, act and behave in any given situation. The trouble is, it’s extremely difficult to change these programs without some type of way to access the subconscious mind to rewrite the programs, and make a new neural pathway that will communicate effectively with the cells and genes in our body.

Guided meditation has the power to reach your subconscious mind, by feeding it images, sounds, and directing your imagination to experience all your senses, thereby giving your brain an experience of what feels like a real experience. When you have a real experience new neural pathways are made that affect your whole body, so when you listen to a guided meditation from GuidedMind your are literally rewiring your brain to form new neural pathways for your future success.

So now looking at Guided Meditation and Coaching you can see how sort of `hot wiring` your brain to think differently will support you in your journey to make changes, working on your goals, action planning for the future and how in coaching, mentoring it is a great way and another tool in supporting you in that journey and ultimately getting your goals, desires, dreams, ambitions and all that you want to work towards success either personally, in business or career or performance in a job.

Contact me for more details – I will be running Guided Meditation workshops and sessions locally but sign up to my newsletter by contacting me on

sharonjardine@sljassociates.co.uk or sign up via contact on the website.

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