Coaching

10 Destructive and Negative Habits of Unhappy People

Top 10 Destructive and Negative Habits Of Unhappy People

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I have been working with people – young and old alike for the past 35 years and I have found that there is often a common thread that runs alongside or through those that are miserable or very unhappy in their lives – they exhibit poor habits that are both often destructive and very negative.

So I thought what I would like to do is outline these so that you can read them, see if you are exhibiting any of them or have similar habits.  As a coach I work with people on these destructive and negative habits – changing their mindset, transforming their lives by working with them to put long term changes in to place.  This is often working on changing habits and thought processes – making their mindset work for the construction of positives and positive habits for the future.

So what are these Top 10 destructive & negative habits unhappy people have that I mentioned?

Here are my top 10 destructive & negative habits

a.  Living to please other people

Living to please is one of the biggest mistakes and most destructive habits around that you can have. You are choosing to live your life trying to make everyone else happy and despite everything you do, you fail to make yourself happy.

It is one of the most used terms I hear all the time with clients – I just want everyone else to be happy then I will be happy.

REALLY…what is also difficult is other people trying to make you happy by them being happy!! It just goes nowhere to be honest and is so negative and destructive in the long run.  One of the best things you can do is to figure out what actually drives and motivates you on a really deep emotional level and then do it – for you.  Not to please any other person around.

b.  Negative self talk

Our actions come from what we tell ourselves daily. Unhappy people have the habit of negative self talk such as, ” I don’t know how?”, “It`s too hard”, and the biggest one I hear “I cant do that or do it”.  This is so often repeated throughout the day that unhappy people do not even realise that they say it so often and its such a destructive mindset and self talk to be in.

The key here to change is to begin rephrasing these negative self talk phrases into positive thoughts – and from those changes and habits to positive thoughts positive actions come forward.  Lets be honest on this one – it’s taken a long time to get into the habit of negative self talk and although you can quickly change and rephrase to positive, it’s always a work in progress and it takes practice. Sometimes you will catch yourself being negative and it’s then when you consciously challenge yourself or make the change to positive.

If you want to be a happier person start making that change now.

c.  You fear criticism

Lots of people spend their days worrying about what others think of them and will go to great lengths to look good or save face.  The ironic part of this all is that often the people that you are trying to save face from or worrying about what they think of you are doing something similar – worrying what you thing of them. So the cycle of fear continues.

This fear of criticism stops many in their tracks.  It prevents you from using your own initiative, taking risks, robs you of your imagination and takes away your self reliance.  Fear of criticsm is so destructive and damaging and makes for very unhappy people all round.

d.  The glass is 1/2 empty person

Pessimism is the result of a destructive and negative habit that has formed over a great many years.  It’s a hard habit to kick and becomes so unconsciously ingrained that it just becomes second nature.  If your first thought is a negative one, learning to become an optimist will need you to dig deep and develop a new mental approach, mindset change and learn new mental skills.  You will retrain your thought processes to see where there is opportunity instead of struggle.

In coaching with clients on many different areas and levels it is here that we do our greatest work – consciously changing your attitude.  Choosing to see opportunity instead of struggle or difficulty can be learnt – and a new positive habit can be formed.

e.  Letting the past dictate your future

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If you happen to live in the past all the time and regularly look back at negative and past bad experiences, chances are your life now reflects this and mirrors it in lots of areas.

Listen lets be honest – you can not change the past – I know it sounds harsh but you can not change time or the past.

Allowing yourself to stay attached will only drag you down and in fact often those around you also.

Learn to let go of things out of your control and focus on TODAY.  Living in the now rather than the past is key to moving on and becoming happier with who your are, what you are doing and where you are going.

Its a reality you need to embrace.

f.  You are sedentary

If you sit around a lot, sitting at the computer all day, then you move from the computer onto the sofa – or it’s where you sit all day long – it is not conducive for happiness.

Get up, get moving and get outside where you can.  Take the stairs, walk a little every day more than the previous day.

The endorphins you release from exercise (even a little ) is vital for creating a good mood and achieving happiness – get out and get moving, get active.  You do not have to be a marathon runner but exercise and being active is a key habit to work on.

g.  Constantly worrying

You are life’s worry wort?   Believe it or not, worrying is a choice like everything else.  You will also probably find that in your family growing up there was another worry wort and you have taken up their life script as your own.

Worry is such a waste of time yet causes so much unhappiness.  Worry is nothing but fear.

Fear is nothing but an excuse to do not do, to put off and not embrace areas of your life that could make you happy or be happy.  You sacrifice so much by worrying and then being fearful – stopping you from relaxing or being happy. You choose that and its a habit that wears so many of us all down.

h.You struggle to forgive and forget

Keeping hold of ill feelings towards someone or something is like carrying a huge weight around with you constantly.  I work with people who when they work on this area of their life and mindset and let it go find its like lifting a huge weight off their shoulders.

WE all have had bad experiences that leave a bad taste in your mouth – but forgiveness is one solution as well as deciding to let the hurt go and its a powerful concept.

Make a decision today to let it go. Learn from it and move on.

i.  You are a perfectionist

Perfectionism is one destructive habit that I had to work on really hard. It was one of my long term life scripts that really hindered and hampered me for my own personal development and engaging fully in a growth mindset.

Maybe its you – but we all know someone who is a perfectionist – trying to pursue perfection in all that you do may sound like a good thing.  If its taken too far, it can be so detrimental and actually hinder you physically but definitely with your emotional and mental health.

Perfectionism can lead to a host of mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and chronic unhappiness.  We can always do better and we can always learn from what does not go right!  It’s ok if things do not go to plan – learn from it and move it. You should be looking to not be a perfectionist but rather about improving your self, personal growth and having a growth mindset.

 j.  You define yourself by your job

Stop it now!  I did this for far too many years and it was a fruitless and very negative habit for me.  I was my job and I thought my job was me.

In the end it really proved the opposite.  I was so unhappy and so disillusioned and cynical by the time I decided to take the plunge and leave for my sanity and my health.  Best move ever

Today so many are in jobs they really do not love or want to do but feel that we are viewed by society as who we are by the job we have and living unhappily in that all.  We are not separate from our professions but believe to be defined by the job, the pay, the level of importance of it all  🙁

For me, once I dealt with this area personally, I was able to realise that I was not defined by my previous job and that really it had kept me back so much for far too long.  Working with a coach was what was key in all of this for me.

Choosing to be happy

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 Choosing to be happy is the first step.  Then you need to work at adopting good habits and remove the bad habits.

It’s practice and time – not always easy.  It’s the best choice you can make and the best start to becoming happier, more content for the future.

If any of the destructive and negative habits resonate with you It’s time to look long and hard at your life.

You can choose to be happy and choose happiness.  I can guide you forward to a happier future.

To book a consultation with mecontact me   Make a choice that is good for you today.

Mindset – Fixed or Not

Mindset – Fixed or Not

positive thumbs upMindset is a huge area and one that is growing in popularity and discussion – from looking at the Psychological theories behind it all – Fixed or Growth Mindset by Carol Dweck – author of the book – “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success”, she explains that people tend to have 1 of 2 basic perspectives about their own abilities and capacities.  To looking at how Mindfulness and the area of positive thinking has and can influence your mindset and therefore direction of your focus.

There is a wealth of writings on the whole area of  mindsets – Fixed or Not – Fixed or Growth Mindsets – and they are all fascinating and illuminating for a coach to use and discuss when working with a client in a coaching session.

Mindset is important when looking at motivation, interest to grow and learn, resilience and ability to progress forward – for me its about working with you, the client, on what gets you going – whether than be in your personal life or business – as quite frankly its crosses over both.

Understanding your mindset and how you tick is vital – getting an understanding of critical reflective thinking about what you do, how you do it, what you can learn from it and what will do next from that learning that for me leads to people being successful, progressive and developmental irregardless of their personal life or business/ professional life.

Understanding your mindset also works with you on your confidence and self esteem – as a coach working with clients over the years it is in this area that I often see the greatest changes and from those changes in confidence and self esteem, those clients then making huge changes, taking great risks, becoming more successful, gaining in deeper and greater happiness and moving closer and closer to achieving their dreams, ambitions and life time goals.

I like to use this illustration – are you part of the 98% of the population – fixed and stuck in many cases – firmly and solidly fixed in your comfort zone and reluctant to venture out.

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Or are you part of the 2% of the population – choosing happiness, looking for opportunities and growth of experiences and abilities, learning from those around you, liking change and getting the most out of life.

This does not mean that if you feel you might “fit” into the 98% of the population mindset, that you can not change.

Mindset-Quote-8 C Dweck 2 mindsets of Fixed or Growth – (she claims that naturally about 40% of us are Growth Mindset and 40% Fixed Mindset and that the remaining 20% are a mixture of each) – but can we  change, can we develop and move our mindsets – of course we can.

 Thats what you do in coaching sessions – working with a coach to challenge the negative, comfort zone and fixed mindset – looking at designing and creating a more positive, confident and growth mindset – supporting you, the client, towards transformational change and long lasting transformational change.

But getting to grips with understanding mindset is key – its the key to changing, its the key to unlocking your potential and its the key to gaining long lasting transformational change – its just then about whether you really want it or not, whether you want to be in the 2% of the population or part of the 98% of the population.

Call me for a phone consultation – 07887653817 – to discuss your transformation and change of mindset

Email me – sharonjardine@sljassociates.co.uk –  to arrange a 1:1 if local face to face , phone and skype options available also.

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The Benefits of Coaching

The Benefits of Coaching

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The Benefits of Coaching.

You need to know what the benefits of coaching are and will be when you work with me in our coaching sessions.  But also the benefits of coaching need to be seen as an investment in YOU and that you deserve to have this invest – and these are the reasons why.

  • Increase your self – confidence
  • Gives you more motivation
  • Makes you more self – awareness and understanding
  • Gives you more clarity in making decisions, choices and judging situations
  • Allows you to have a more fulfilling life/work balance
  • Allows you to work on expanding your horizons
  • Supports you in lessening your stress
  • Gives you better skills for better communication skills
  • Supports you gaining better relationships
  • Supports you gain better health and well-being routines eg diet, exercise.
  • You feel supported and not alone as you work to achieve your goals
  • It gives you time to reflect on what is important to you and who you really aspire to be.

 

 

When you work with a coach – working as a coach in the way that I do with SLJ Coaching & Training Associates – you can focus on what is really important to you and start to look to shape your life to be more in line with your values. Working with me will provide you an effective structure to support you moving forward in significant areas of your life, including career, your business, personal growth, relationships, family, friends, health, education, work, spirituality, fun and recreation, and your physical environment.

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When you work with me as a coach – I support and encourage you to be and take responsibility for the results you generate, ultimately you as everyone is responsible for your own life and the results they get.

 

When we work in this way and take responsibility for your own life, we have power and influence over it. We can then appreciate our own influence in situations and that we can choose between different possibilities.

 

When you work with me in this way it works, coaching works, because you are making the commitment to invest in yourself, with focused support to help you find clarity, self confidence and the motivation to continue and overcome barriers. Often we don`t really take the time to work out where we are going, what our lives are about, and what our values and goals are.http://www.dreamstime.com/-image23159248

If you do not know what you are doing, or want to go, you are unable to focus or have ineffective habits that you are not fully aware of and that will hold us back.

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Very often, we unconsciously or consciously resist change, because its easier and more comfortable to stay the way you are, even if it not what you truly want.

Working with me as a Coach helps you to overcome these barriers and make the changes you want, to step out of your comfort zone and test the waters of the stretch zone in a supportive and safe environment.

 

I empower and aspire you in my coaching for you to find your passion, your purpose and fulfil your full potential in your life and all the avenues of your life.

 

Sharon Jardine

Coach & Mentor