How to have more Self Confidence

Have you ever wondered how to have more self-confidence?

In this video Dr. Joseph shares the 4 things that make all the difference when it comes to feeling confident. This is an amazing TEDX talk, well worth watching…

You can have more self-confidence!

I will share 4 ways that you can do to help you to have more self-confidence – these are;

1.  PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE

If you want to have more confidence you have to practice the skill or task you’re doing until you feel confident. If you want to be a great speaker, you have to practice your speech over and over and over again – in the mirror, with your family, with friends, with strangers, until you feel so confident, because you’ve worked to be the best you can be.

I am finding that I  do this more and more how do you get to being successful or confident about what you do if you do not practice for example – I have refined and redefined my networking 60 second pitch and through the help of getting great advice from fellow business colleagues, research and redefining who I am and what I want others to know who I am – I am now in the stage of practice, practice, practice.

Do you practice ?  If not how will you get to be the best that you can be?  Get out there practice, practice and practice some more – as Dr Joseph shares in this video this is how great athletes and sports people get to the top of their game, this is how great business people get to the level of great success that they have – practice practice practice and even when you think you are done practice it all again a bit more.

2. GET GOOD SELF-TALK

We all have this negative self-talk that goes in our head. But guess what, there’s enough other people telling us we can’t do it, that we’re not good enough, so why do we want to tell ourselves that? We know for a fact that thoughts influence actions… so we need to get our own self-affirmations.

Recognising your own negative self talk is a good starting point for change. Then stop it and start the process of change immediately – look in that mirror each and every morning you get up and start with your own positive and good self – talk and get your own self-affirmations.

Self belief - it starts hereFor me I found this really difficult at the start but I am learning to challenge that negative self talk and re-connect again with the good and positive self talk about me – as a person, as a parent, as a business person and as a person who is successful.  I am great, I love what I do, I am passionate about what I do and I do it because I am bloody good at coaching people, supporting people and I am successful.  Find your own self affirmations and start doing this now – with days or even weeks what the difference – you will start to stand taller and believe in yourself much more.

ps – stop hanging around others whose  self talk to themselves and others is negative – you will never change if you are surrounding yourself with negative people – I promise you that.

success is liking what you do

3.  WRITE A SELF-CONFIDENCE LETTER TO YOURSELF

When you’re feeling confident and positive in your life, take the time to write a letter to your future self about the things that you’re proud of.

Dr. Joseph says the reason to do this is…

because there are moments, and we’ll all experience them, in our career, in our life, in our job hunting, in our relationships, when we are not feeling good about who, what and where we are.

It’s in those moments that you need to get our your letter to help you get through the storm.

When I watched this video and listened to Dr Joseph I decided to do just that – as someone who has suffered from depression over the years and can easily slip into that negative self talk phase this has proved to be an absolute little gem – get your pen out and write yourself that self-confidence letter.  List all the things that you have been successful at over the years, all the things that are good for you, and I mean everything.

This I keep in my office on my wall – especially for those days as pointed out by Dr Joseph that we all get, because we all do get moments when we do not feel great about ourselves and this helps to knock those days out of the ball park and get us back on track in being more confident about ourselves.  Focus on the positive things not the negative – after all the says goes

What you focus on is what grows and develops

So focus on positive always.

4.  SELF-CONFIDENT PEOPLE INTERPRET FEEDBACK THE WAY THEY CHOOSE TO

When something doesn’t go your way, how do you choose to interpret it? How do you choose to respond? Self-confident people choose to respond in a positive way, that helps them to keep moving forward.

I used to think that I was not successful, not popular, not business orientated, and lots of “I can`t do that” moments.

What changed?  Me realising that I was all of those things and so much more – plus working on my self confidence, self talk and staying positive no matter what.  That’s what changed?  I tapped into myself – and looked back to help me look forward.  I read, I listened and I began to practice to get my own self confidence back again.

Now post redundancy, 4 years post redundancy, I now know that I am all the things I thought I was not – successful, popular and I am running my business in a way that suits me and what I do.  I am a successful parent and that my self talk is about working to my strengths focusing on what I can do and staying strong on it all.

I hope this all helps you in knowing how to have more self confidence.

Enjoy

Self confidence actions for you to do immediatley

1. Write yourself your letter or make your list.

2. Put the letter or list prominently for you to see and read it when you feel that your confidence is slipping or you are just having one of those days.

3.  Write out your own self affirmations and do the same again.

4.  Every morning before you do anything else – say your self affirmations  and practice.

Thank you xx

New Year New You New Start

1521533_10152129763487863_222028509_nNew Year New You New Start

Keeping Motivated after the first flush of the New Year is often a difficult one – and by this time normally many people are already getting disheartened, discouraged or have fallen off the wagon on their New Year Resolutions.

But – we are not on about New Year Resolutions – I do not work with people on resolutions but on Goals – setting them, keeping to them and making them a stepping stone in your life plan for success in what ever are that might be.  These are not sheer ideas or fantasy that you might have of `one day` achieving – these are goals and a series or set of goals that you are and you will over the course of this year achieve and once achieve set further ones to move towards your ultimate long term life goals for the future.

New Year New You New Start – so what are you going to do to keep motivated – what goals have you set already – as I stated in last blog – keep them SMART – keep it all simple – have big dreams for what you want – no problem there – dream as big as you want.

But what are your stepping stones to achieve that Dream – these are where, I believe, your goal setting comes in – and this is where it often goes wrong or pear shaped for people – they set goals that are unachievable, get disheartened, feeds into a negative mind set they already have of themselves and they fail – so give up and do nothing more about it – how many gyms are full of people sweating and groaning on the first week of January, sales of gym clothes, exercise dvds go up and you see people running and so forth every where – BUT by this date and mid January onwards = the memberships notice a decline in people attending, sales go down or return to normal and by end of January 80% of those signed up 1st January are no longer attending.  WHY ????? Because people throw themselves in, expecting MIRACLES to occur – weight to drop off them and because their is not INSTANT results – give up WHY? Because instead of doing it sensibly and steady and doing it at a pace that is achieveable LONG TERM  to change their lifestyles and their goal is too big too soon and ultimately set themselves up to fail.

AND HOW OFTEN HAVE WE ALL DONE THAT – hands up from me – But not any more – thats why Goal setting is important and HOW  you see what goal setting is about as well – thats the most important step – and thats what will keep you motivated even when you want to stop and give up.

But in this New Year New You New Start – what keeps you motivated – be realistic and be honest – if its money then make your goals money orientated ones – break them down, write them out and put them on your wall, on the fridge, on your bathroom mirror – prioritise what is the most important thing or goal you want to achieve and work on that one.

Again too often I hear and have worked with people who set goals or talk about goals that are huge in size – and then get very quickly overwhelmed – where to start, what to do first and then go – this is too much and stop . You might have heard the saying – you can only eat an elephant 1 bit at a time – what it means (rightly so ha hahaha ) is that any problem or issue that is that big,  needs to be broken down into smaller achievable chunks and devoured in that way instead – after all attempting to consume anything or achieve anything that big is definitely too much at any one sitting – but break it down and you will be surprised how much you can do paced correctly and done in priority order.

Thats the key – setting goals to keep you motivated – setting goals on a monthly basis – break your year down into goals for each month – decide what you want from 2014 and then month by month, week by week or even day by day how you can do it – now that way you can achieve it and you will even surprise yourself how QUICKLY you will achieve it as you will have the motivation to complete the whole year and complete and achieve your bigger year goal as well.  WIN WIN and we like win win scenarios.

Put this to any objective, goal, dream, ambition – the results are the same – BUT you have to want it to be able to achieve it as well – get yourself sorted as well – following on from last blog re being honest with yourself – if not honest then you are already on rocky ground for succeeding or achieving your goals short, medium or long term are irrelevant.

An example – if you say to me – I want to be wealthy – ok put a figure on it – you say £50,000 a year I want to earn – ok I say how do you think you are going to earn this – you reply do not know but thats what I want to earn.

Ok – so here is the honesty – I have no problem in saying to anyone if you want big wage package or business turn over in that bracket – what skills have you got to be able to do that – if you do not have those skills then go out and get them, go back to college, go back and learn them, work every hour you need to to be able to have those skills to either get a job that pays you that wage OR get a business that you make successful to give you that as a return for yourself each year – so have goals but also know how you are going to set about achieving those goals as well and set realistic timelines for them as well.

Another example – wanting to lose weight – to be healthy – so you want to lose 2 stone – having a goal that by end of February that you will lose 2 stone might be a bit unrealistic – tonnes reasons why not good for you or sustainable as a lifestyle change for good.  So set goals for each month target weight loss – so that within the year you will have lost the 2 stone, changed your eating and lifestyle and exercise habits so that you do not put the weight right back on again.  Makes sense – marathon instead of sprint.

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  I have decided in this New Year New You New Start – to make some quite big life changes both personally and in business and they are scary – but as this motivational slide and quote states – one thing I do not want to have in my life is REGRET.

I do not want to live my life, with `but if` or ` I should have done that` or `well it was not the right time` etc and the list goes on – when is the right time? is there ever one? NO you have to want to do it and I want to do it and I am going to do it and I know I will.

 What have you got to lose ? and how much have you got to GAIN – thats the question that I often ask – stop focusing on what happened in the past, your present and your future is all that is important – the past can only give you ideas of what not to do again or what mistakes to not keep repeating.  Taking these steps to focusing on yourself, making changes daily and sustaining those changes are what will influence your future – how you act NOW at this present moment is all important and vital on how successful you want to be – in either personal or professional or business life – its your choice to make.

Be honest with yourself – if you want to be successful – you will because your want, desire and your need for it will over ride your excuses for not being successful – because YOU WANT it – you work with coaches and others because you need the skills of others to assist you getting there – but over all you have to WANT it.

My advice to anyone working with me when I am coaching them is often this in the very start – if you do not know how you`tick` how you operate, what motivates you, what drives you, and you are not ok with feedback on this all (not counselling or therapy ) but feedback on patterns of behaviour, patterns of thinking, patterns of negative ways of being – or working on those to correct them – then coaching with me is not for you – if you are not honestly ready to be honest with yourself to make changes in your life to become successful in what ever area you want, if you are not ready to make changes – then you are not ready for me, for success and ultimately achieving your ultimate goal.

What keeps me motivated? Knowing that I am making changes in my life that will ultimately make me, my family and my business more successful keeps me motivated.  Knowing that any sacrifices I make now are ones that will give me long term goals that my kids will benefit – but also keeping me motivated is how much I want and love to work with people and making enough money to give me more and more financial freedom to be able to do this.  That keeps me motivated.

Find out what motivates you – keep it always in mind when setting goals and make sure that you recognise that and then take action and Do it. No excuses No Regrets.

New year new you new start – get the foundations right and get into action.

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Stay motivated stay on track 🙂