Stress – How it can Kill You if You Let it.

Stress – How it can Kill You if You let it.

Part 1 of my journey of change – the voice of my heart.

Past career – past stresses

I walked away from a job in 2011 after 20 years that was over the last 5 years of it killing me – all because of stress – I failed to recognise the signs and symptoms and also thought I was invincible and super woman.
In early October 2010 I just about made it home – I know I drove home stupid I know I know – and within 15 minutes went into a sudden cardiac attack – ie my heart went into melt down – and I was having a huge arrhythmia attack.

Most sudden cardiac deaths are caused by abnormal heart rhythms called arrhythmias. The most common life-threatening arrhythmia is ventricular fibrillation, which is an erratic, disorganized firing of impulses from the ventricles (the heart’s lower chambers). When this occurs, the heart is unable to pump blood and death will occur within minutes, if left untreated.

All this from stress – I was taken into hospital where I was given medication that stopped my heart and restarted it again to attempt to get the arrhythmia back on track and slow down – as the next stage was full cardiac arrest – (sounds very dramatic and scary – it was I have never consciously held onto a nurse and consultants hands so much in my life and just begged them to help me) – 3 days later I left hospital and told that I was in need of some serious help – but I what I got was some serious help from the best Heart Hospital and consultant in Europe at Broadgreen.

I went in on 29th April 2011 and my operation was 88% successful – apparently they had fun playing space invaders in my heart – Left ventricular de-fibrillation is what Mr Mark Hall did – thank god I was asleep – but next time I apparently need to stay awake eeek – hence why putting off for as long as I can.

I know for me its taken me a few years to actually really try to address and stop the stress impact and its consequences on me – I get stressed easily, I tended to over personalise things – if it went wrong it was because I was at fault, I was the problem, I am to blame – I continued to batter myself on leaving work, worry about money, worry about kids, worry about me – hit menopause lost the plot – flitted all over the place trying to find what I wanted to do – lost a heap of money, friends, because of some of the issues thought I was losing my sanity and my marriage and thought I had lost me. I thought life what shit to be honest.

The year from hell – ok I just lost my way!

2014 turned out to be the best and the worst year – you would have thought 2011 was – but nope – I am a slow burner – and I burnt and smouldered and hurt myself until November 2014 and I woke up from a bit of a fog – fuck me did I wake up (apologies for swearing if offended but I actually do swear).
I looked around me and made a choice to change – (thought I had as had read and listened to all the self help, spiritual stuff and people, books and videos ) but it all just kept nothing at bay and the shite kept coming – and then I looked at me, really looked at me and decided I needed to just stop.
So I did – and then good things started happening – not huge things or at fast paces but small little things – and things begun to change.

As you can see from the video – its all about learning to manage your stress and recognising what the causes are and how to combat them – don`t do what I did for so long – ignore, fight and under estimate what stress can do – both to you and those you love around you – I was a martyr and a warrior but realised the only one I was hurting was those I loved around me and me – the total opposite to what I wanted or thought I was doing .  Stupid yes absolutely.

Never under estimate your past – learn from it and move on

In 1995 and in 1996 I nearly died from Eclampsia – my daughters where both still born but I was lucky I was alive, on both occasions they fought to save my life and thank goodness they did – sadly the longer term impact both emotionally and mentally were much more long lasting than the physical impact.  But on both occasions I went into cardiac arrest – possibly this was the first real signs I had a heart problem – who knows but I had in 2010 been given a 3rd chance to get it right and for so so long I had – like so many other women – just got on with life.  Took it all in my stride, worked harder, did not give up (fought hard to have kids born alive and well and me well) and just kept up the warrior mode and of course being super woman – I did it all.

I fought for everyone – Trade Union secretary, spokesperson at conferences, extra work, degrees and qualifications, work work work, lived hard and played hard – and did not realise just how miserable I was making myself – the mask was on and the sword was in hand.

Then my world (created and designed by me) fell apart, I had taken the voluntary redundancy and my grieving for a career, job and identity began and continued – of course it did, this was me living in chronic stress mode again – cycle of learnt behaviour for me and a coping strategy I only knew.

Post attack but in denial

From 21012 – 2014 I was in denial and fear – adding more and more un-necessary stress to a world I did not need – and while it was better than when in a full time job and career prior to October 2010 it was really just a smaller version of what had been happening then.  I got into negative thought patterns, negative behaviour patterns and it was like the self destruct button was under my finger and regularly just being tested to see how far I would take me or my family to the edge of pressing.

By grief was so deep rooted and that I felt my whole identity was so wrapped up in my work and career, I thought it was me – so losing all that was like grieving for a part of me that had died and maybe I was taking myself there unconsciously.

Decision to change – I woke up from a fug

Then as I said I made a decision to change – I knew I was losing my sanity as it was insanity to keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results.  Was there an aha moment – sadly I had had a few, but choose to ignore them in 2012, 2013 but the one in 2014 was driving in the car from a part time job taken and just pulled over side of road and sobbed – I hated it.  What did I want ? What was I going to do ? How was I going to make those changes? I was at a loss – but for the first time I woke up from a fug – a fog so deep set that I had just been living and not really doing anything more – I knew then that I wanted more but most of all I deserved more, my kids and hubby deserved more and they deserved the happy fun me the real me – the me they loved – but the I needed to get back to loving me and me then being able to really love them all back – love the world back – be me.  So I drove home, sat hubby down – kids got into it all too lol – and they just told me to stop hurting myself and start doing what I loved.

Literally the next day – a friend from past asked me to do some work with her in local school and so it all began to change.  I began to really see what changes I could make, what choices I have and what chances I have been given.

3 cs in life

I started 2015 as I promised I would start it – making changes – positive changes.
I started with money , my love life/ marriage, my family, my business, my friends and through out them all myself. The most important one I often sadly forgot about or used to abuse.

 

 

 

 

Its Emotional – but good

Its been  an emotional year so far – not all has gone smoothly but slowly but surely things are improving – and I know I am at the end of the year ie now also changing other negative behaviours re food and relationship to food and weight – which has just been thrown in there as well lol.

But most of all I am finding what makes me smile, laugh and enjoy life again – hormones don`t help but hey thats the joys of aging and being female …… and I cry alot – just getting it all out, trying to stop being that warrior woman getting angry annoyed, frustrated and so forth – adverts get me going, doesn`t have to take much – but its a source of huge fun in the house – who can get mum sobbing over daft things lol.  But its ok –

I have been able to look more and more in the mirror over this year and put the pieces of me back together again – some good people have helped, some via business who are now good good close friends and others via knitting who are now getting more and more close as friends.  Others I have let go and thats ok – my circle of friends is rather small but my networking of colleagues is rather large.

Hubby and me – getting on better, marriage sorted – we still have a few pings in the ring now and again – I am an aries and he is libra – says it all – me quick to react him slow burner – but we are 25 years married and 27 years together so I think holding our own.

Kids – I am blessed – nothing more needs said.

Business & BizMums Networking

Business – well thats on the improvement side – the Knitting Fairy has come out and proud, freelancing working away and its all just moving from strength to strength – even got into the finals of BizMums Awards – Creative Business 2015 – so not all bad then

Finalist badge

 

 

So can stress kill you?  Yes it bloody well can so why are you allowing it to.

Chronic stress over long long periods of time is a silent killer and often many cardiac deaths are caused by it all – please please do not allow this time little word get so much play time in your life and have the huge impact that it will do to you and those you love around you.

Take action now – do not live with regrets – I know I am not any longer allowing chronic stress to have a heart hold on me or my families lives – I want to be around for a rather long time, to spend time with my kids, see them into adult hood, their own families and be a grandparent. I want to spend time with my grumpy ole fella who I adore and want a retirement where we can be there for one another into old age.

Business wise – I no longer want to the have any regrets and my vision of big is now what I am talking about and wanting to put our there.

So don`t let stress kill you – don`t let chronic stress get a grip.

 

 

 

Are you ready to change challenge? Day 4

1186139_10151627081873460_1746621977_nAre you ready to change challenge? Day 4

Over previous few days been asking you to really look hard at yourself and WHY you do and WHY you think as you do – previous self limiting beliefs and conditioning from your past is so too often the reason why people are not successful or happy with what or how they do things.

Are you ready to change challenge? Day 4 – is all about putting that all behind you – I know as said in previously blogs this is only a small part a small fraction of the work that I do with you in a coaching session and set up but it gives you the flavours of what you can do – either through looking at your own journey to change or your own journey of change – reading booking of Life Coaching or other self made people – people of success and finding out what they did – especially if they have originally come from similar backgrounds to yourself.  Often the biggest obstacle to success, happiness and your future is YOU – no one else just You – resolve the issues of the past, let them go, move on and rewrite what it is you really want – who you really want to be, set your goals and go for it.  I have already pointed you in the direction of an Author who I have read and loved her approach, work and ethos.

Are you ready to change challenge? Day 4 is about embedding good habits into your daily routine and day – do you know about Affirmations – mediation time – well every morning and every night I want you to start doing some Affirmations – you can do them to a mirror, when in bed, before go to bed or get up in the morning, out loud or silently to yourself.  BUT do them!

ready to change - positive thoughts

Just one positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.

Here are some affirmations you can use, or make up your own – but use only positive words and language! After all, you have been using negative affirmations for years – you need to practice now the positive ones to affirm the new you, new image and new start.

Write them in your journal or print them out and pin them where you can see them every day.

*  I like myself

*  I now take responsibility for making my life work

*  My future is full of interesting surprises and wonderful opportunities

*  I am good enough

*  I now know I deserve to have more fun, laughter, money and success

*  I approve of myself completely, including in the presence of others

*  I now choose to like and trust myself and to treat myself with the utmost respect

Repeat them daily – change your self talk to yourself – respect yourself in this new you, new image and new start to care about you and that means to respect yourself – and believe in yourself 100% that you will be and can be successful – remember I asked you for 4 things and self belief and self discipline were 2 of them – this is were the self discipline comes in big time – repeat daily and especially over 30 + days and journal the difference it can make over the coming month or 2 – seriously you will be surprised by the simple but big difference it can make.

Are you ready to change challenge? Day 4 is about “for me” – you showing yourself the respect you need to begin your transformation – metaphorically of course, but hey I am not stopping anyone from making other changes in themselves if that is what you want to do – go for it – I believe in you and trust you 100% to know what your changes need to be and how much you want them.

On my journey I have been making big huge changes – physically, emotionally and psychologically – all have contributed to massive changes happening then all around me within my personal life, family life and business life – I am not perfect nor ever would claim to be – but you know what I have stopped punishing myself, putting myself down (still have to remind that inner voice to stop being critical but getting there) and believing in myself that I have the self discipline and self reliance and resources to be successful in everything that I do – as I do and I can.

So

Are you ready to change challenge? Day 4 –  Well are you?  Are you really ready to change?

are you ready to change?I trust that you are and motivated to really get stuck in – keep your journal, contact me for 1:1 sessions or email/phone coaching details also.

Taking these 7 steps – 1 each day is the start – start to change and enjoy the transformation and enjoy becoming the successful, happy and motivated person that you want to be and can be – respect yourself to be able to do it.

 

 

Are you ready to change challenge – day 3

Are you ready to change challenge – day 3

Well yesterday was a tough day as I asked you to challenge yourself and ask yourself some tough questions –  asking questions about our limiting beliefs is about getting to the root cause of why sometimes we are stopped in our tracks in achieving all that we want – we sabotage ourselves and enforce our negative inner voice/ self talk and therefore feel we fail or do not succeed because we ultimately have been conditioned to from our past.

So

  Are you ready to change – the challenge for day 3 – New you new image new start

You now have some insights on how you operate as a person – you have written out and recognised those beliefs that you have about yourself and those that have been told to you repeatedly over the past years from childhood or even later in adulthood.  But why are you allowing these damaging and controlling beliefs to influence you – now we need to get you working on a new you – not a total change (no personality transplants or anything like that – keeping all the good and lovely things that are you and contribute to you being a unique and individual person) but getting rid of the bad belief systems that you have been conditioned to hearing and believing about yourself for years.

Are you ready to change challenge – day 3 – new you new image new start

This is only a short and brief view into the world of coaching and the coaching process – this is what it is all about – it can be fast, challenging and demanding – I demand a lot from my clients afterall thats what it is all about – making positive and progressive changes – challenging the old ways of doing things and looking for the new ways and solutions to resolving problems – I believe in you that you can do it, make the changes and grow as a person to becoming a more fulfilled, happier, peaceful and resourceful person.  You are your own key to success – dig deep folks and believe me you have it all there – we just need to get the tweaking and tuning right and then off you go and begin to really live the life you truly want to live – both personally and in business – thats the power of coaching.

So Are you ready to change challenge – day 3  is now to work on you – the new you the new image and new start – and we have not even begun to look at the future processes of goal setting or goals for your future or anything – working on you is the start of the journey and what an exciting journey it is going to be and is already.

Are you ready to change challenge – day 3 – Yes I hear you shout – well ok shout it louder and lets begin.

Day 3 – Journal exercise; Complete the following statements………..

a.  The person I am choosing to be from this day on is someone who is ………..

b.  The qualities I most want to emphasise and enjoy in myself are………..

When finished Write this out somewhere – either in the journal or on a separate piece of paper sign and date it – even start a mood board – cork board and cut out inspirational sayings, things you want to work for, photos of self of weight and image you want to achieve (be real as well do not set yourself up to fail).  I have one in my study for each of my businesses and personal one – I have photos of types of villa want to buy when retire – goal and target, what I want for next car, I have printed out date and weight I want to be by christmas and then next year etc ) helps in visualising what I would like both in material terms and also saying that inspire me and things I want to aspire to re short, medium and long term goals in my life and businesses.

Statement:

“I am now ready to give life to this new image of myself, from this day forth.  I commit to reinforcing these qualities until they are a deeply ingrained part of who I am and who I am seen to be.”

Print this out and put it in a prominent position for you to read and see often. Now from today onwards your behaviour, choices and decisions you want to make sure they fit this description of you.  When you are faced with a choice or a decision ask yourself – What is the answer, given the person I am now? I will also recommend a book to read now also – as I have found of all the books I have read recently has really resonated a lot with me personally.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Own-Life-Coach-ebook/dp/B0043VD6BC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376748247&sr=8-1&keywords=fiona+harrold

Read Fiona Harrolds books and check out for yourself how powerful a world coaching can be both for yourself and your business – her books are excellent to read and easy starting points for your journey into becoming a new you and having a new start.

 

Enjoy and have fun – remember this is the start of an exciting journey of self discovery into the new you that you want to be – this new you and new start will be being as unique as you were before but becoming more successful and achieving more of the life that you want to have rather than been told you should have – work on you as starting point and everything will eventually fall into place.

Good luck and lets look forward to Day 4 of the challenge.

 

Day 1 – Are you ready to change Challenge?

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Day 1 – Are you ready to change Challenge?

Day 1 of the challenge is to find out if you are ready to commit to the challenge of change.  Are you ready to have a week of challenges to give you a little insight in to coaching and also about how to go about moving towards the life you really want.

Coaching moves people forward, fast and easily – so lets start on the journey of change and of you reaching your full and true potential.

Ok – becoming ready for change is about committing to the process of looking at where you are now and what or where you want to be in the future.  This is only a short 7 day challenge but together during this change challenge  we will look at your life together and I will ask you to be tough on yourself as I want you to commit to action, not talk or excuses but action – become a can do approach rather than `I can`t do that , or I am not able to do that, not yet, not now, maybe later.` Not good enough – if you follow this (its only 7 days and I am asking a small committment here really in the scheme of life of things) make it work for you – what have you got to lose?

Are you ready to change challenge 

1.  Looking at focusing on the here, now and the future – making small steps making small changes – progression forward – always forward

2.  Looking at whats working and what is not and being honest in this with your self.

If its yes to all above.

Then lets make a contract to work with one another for 1 wekk – 7days – let commit to being ready or becoming ready to change.

My committment to you

I will commit to working with you – asking questions and giving direction and challenge.  That I believe in your full potential to do all you can and I believe in you 100% with no judgements and I will bring 100% of myself to you in this 7 day journey.

Your committment to – being ready to change challenge

What I need from you are 4 things;

*Motivation:  vital – you have to want change, you have to be prepared to work at change – if you are willing to do something then your motivation should be high and you are ready to do what changes are needed.

*Self – Belief:  Here is how you believe in yourself deep inside – are you worthy or deserving of good things ie what good things your changes bring to you you accept and enjoy them. Otherwise you will sabotage yourself and your work to keep you from changing and back in your old ways of thinking and believing in yourself – do not under estimate the power of your inner voice for good and not so good in our lives.  Your self-belief might not be brilliant at the moment but we will work on that.

*Self-discipline:    vital – because when the going gets tough it is your self discipline that keeps you moving forward.  Change brings sometimes discomfort and it is on those days when tired, feeling low or feeling not progressing or disillusioned that you need this to kick in to keep you going – this your friend indeed and one many need to keep working on.

and finally

*Willingness to challenge:  being ready to challenge yourself, all you know about yourself and the world you have known around you all your life. To create new ways of thinking and being and open yourself to new possibilities for yourself, both in your personal and business life.

 

So – are you ready for  change challenge

This is only 7 days but you will be surprised how far you can travel in 7 days – start laying your foundation stones or blocks for changing to your ideal life or ideal business life – are you ready to take up the challenge!

Begin a Journal with

Day 1 – Ready to change Challenge – and begin by looking at these few questions. Write your answers in your journal – do it intuitively ie do not think about it too long – just write them and do not be afraid of what you write to either of the questions – trust yourself – never be afraid to have dreams or aspirations – but be honest with yourself – only you will see.

Who do you think you are?

Who do you NEED to think you are to have the life you want?

To start we need to know where we are and then to also know where we are wanting to go – and its the same with ourselves.

Good luck and have fun with this all over the next 7 days – thank you for taking part and I look forward hearing back from you on how your challenge is going.

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Learning the need to look at Balance in your life

What is Balance?

Over the past months and definitely over the past few weeks – I have been drawn back time and time again to look at the whole area of Balance in our lives and in my life in particular.

What is this? What is its meaning? Is there one ? and I am reminded repeatedly that I am looking to at my own life and what I am doing and how is the balance in there – and realised I am just a bit out of kilter at the moment and need to strive to get back (if ever had it in the first place a sense of balance) – work and home life balance, personal relationship balance, family life balance, friendship balance and so on and so forth.

This, I know, resonates with many others out there and is not just limited to myself.  I have never not worked, never been out of work for any length of time over my working life so far,  and struggle to just do nothing.  I am now starting to wonder – what is that all about? why do I need to fill my time up so much? do I need to have so much going on? or can I just allow it to stop or slow down for a while?

Even in this short blog so far look at how many questions have come up – tonnes – so maybe this is me now giving myself the space and time to be able to either answer some of those questions or to be fair, just to consider them as well.

I have groped (yes groped as it has felt like I have been groping for long time) around for defined answers, rather than just woolly fluffy responses that define nothing, but just often end up leading to more questions or nothing.  I feel like I am awakening to a new understanding,  that some questions just do not have defined hard edged answers – some of the questions have woolly, fluffy responses  and I may never know the whats or the whys – and you wonder why my head gets wrecked.

But lets get back to balance – what is it all about – its about fundamentally recognising when there is an imbalance and wanting to see how or what you need to do to get the balance back. Where it is in your life is an irrelevancy as it will be personal and pertinent to you and you alone .  Once you have identified it this is  the first step to putting it right. For me it was and is about working out what being self employed is all about – whose wants or needs am I looking to sort out – mine, Mikes, Kids, friends – and then looking at what needs to be done to get that balance right again.  Whether I achieve it fully or not, who knows but its always a work in progress – but better a work in progress than never to have decided to do anything.

I have also decided in my quest to look at other area where more balance in my life is needed – to stop beating myself up over it all – the journey (the process)  is the area for learning and development as I may well never get it `right` – who knows what that would look like – perfection personified and I am not sure that will ever be me ha ha ha ha ha – here is the typical Aries looking perfection – but if I always do that will always then fail as there is no such thing as perfection – or is there?.  See now you understand how I end up with head wrecked.

So the big part of the learning for me to be able to achieve balance is stop feeling guilty – or try to not feel so guilty – give the time you have freely and willingly and with pleasure – once that stops then you need to ask why – balance balance balance balance – such a simple word with so many hidden meanings and pit falls as its thrown at us all the time.

As a working mum – how do you do it? fit so much in and still have time for the kids, clean the house and look after your husband – well here is my response I am going to be using from now on – ok thank you – bit hectic at times, can become alittle manic ha haha but thats having 2 teenagers in the house, 2 large dogs, 1 husband and a busy mum as a business owner – how are you?  Lets see what response get after that – I actually LIKE being busy and the business (busy ness) is what I thrive on – but I need to also listen to my kids and hubby too a bit more and be gentler and kinder to myself more as well.

So do I have a balance in my life – mmmm getting there a bit more each day as I get further and further away from the `old job` had for 20 + years and stepping closer and closer to `new direction` and new business of being self employed and working from home.  Will I ever get the Balance – not sure you know, but I am starting to realise that I might be ok with that and can strive for it and be ok striving for it , recognise need it, work on it, stop using it to beat myself up with it (what that is about goodness only knows) and take greater pleasure out of it when I do get some of it.

So there you go bet you did not think that a simple word such as balance could be so powerful for both positive and negative – stop beating yourself up over getting it or not getting it – being on the journey of finding it is just as important and just as enjoyable – brilliant if you have it in all areas of your life as its a desire we can use to drive us.  Being who we are in what we are doing and who we are to others that is what is important – having the personality traits that I do and some are good and some could work on – but that is what makes me ME – unique, flawed but still perfect to those I love around me – that is important.

So seek out your own balance and enjoy, have fun, and become a better person in the discovery of your own balance in life, and please please do not let others try to tell you what that should look like or be like – this is yours and yours alone to sort out – it does not have to be a complicated or complex route – sometimes the direct route is fine – some of us, like me just often like to go on the scenic tour rather than the direct route ha ha ha ha ha – have fun with it and do not feel guilty if not got it just yet but striving for it – doubt many have it – just keep knowing you need to work on it and why you want it – who is important and why .

Sharon