10 Destructive and Negative Habits of Unhappy People

Top 10 Destructive and Negative Habits Of Unhappy People

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I have been working with people – young and old alike for the past 35 years and I have found that there is often a common thread that runs alongside or through those that are miserable or very unhappy in their lives – they exhibit poor habits that are both often destructive and very negative.

So I thought what I would like to do is outline these so that you can read them, see if you are exhibiting any of them or have similar habits.  As a coach I work with people on these destructive and negative habits – changing their mindset, transforming their lives by working with them to put long term changes in to place.  This is often working on changing habits and thought processes – making their mindset work for the construction of positives and positive habits for the future.

So what are these Top 10 destructive & negative habits unhappy people have that I mentioned?

Here are my top 10 destructive & negative habits

a.  Living to please other people

Living to please is one of the biggest mistakes and most destructive habits around that you can have. You are choosing to live your life trying to make everyone else happy and despite everything you do, you fail to make yourself happy.

It is one of the most used terms I hear all the time with clients – I just want everyone else to be happy then I will be happy.

REALLY…what is also difficult is other people trying to make you happy by them being happy!! It just goes nowhere to be honest and is so negative and destructive in the long run.  One of the best things you can do is to figure out what actually drives and motivates you on a really deep emotional level and then do it – for you.  Not to please any other person around.

b.  Negative self talk

Our actions come from what we tell ourselves daily. Unhappy people have the habit of negative self talk such as, ” I don’t know how?”, “It`s too hard”, and the biggest one I hear “I cant do that or do it”.  This is so often repeated throughout the day that unhappy people do not even realise that they say it so often and its such a destructive mindset and self talk to be in.

The key here to change is to begin rephrasing these negative self talk phrases into positive thoughts – and from those changes and habits to positive thoughts positive actions come forward.  Lets be honest on this one – it’s taken a long time to get into the habit of negative self talk and although you can quickly change and rephrase to positive, it’s always a work in progress and it takes practice. Sometimes you will catch yourself being negative and it’s then when you consciously challenge yourself or make the change to positive.

If you want to be a happier person start making that change now.

c.  You fear criticism

Lots of people spend their days worrying about what others think of them and will go to great lengths to look good or save face.  The ironic part of this all is that often the people that you are trying to save face from or worrying about what they think of you are doing something similar – worrying what you thing of them. So the cycle of fear continues.

This fear of criticism stops many in their tracks.  It prevents you from using your own initiative, taking risks, robs you of your imagination and takes away your self reliance.  Fear of criticsm is so destructive and damaging and makes for very unhappy people all round.

d.  The glass is 1/2 empty person

Pessimism is the result of a destructive and negative habit that has formed over a great many years.  It’s a hard habit to kick and becomes so unconsciously ingrained that it just becomes second nature.  If your first thought is a negative one, learning to become an optimist will need you to dig deep and develop a new mental approach, mindset change and learn new mental skills.  You will retrain your thought processes to see where there is opportunity instead of struggle.

In coaching with clients on many different areas and levels it is here that we do our greatest work – consciously changing your attitude.  Choosing to see opportunity instead of struggle or difficulty can be learnt – and a new positive habit can be formed.

e.  Letting the past dictate your future

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If you happen to live in the past all the time and regularly look back at negative and past bad experiences, chances are your life now reflects this and mirrors it in lots of areas.

Listen lets be honest – you can not change the past – I know it sounds harsh but you can not change time or the past.

Allowing yourself to stay attached will only drag you down and in fact often those around you also.

Learn to let go of things out of your control and focus on TODAY.  Living in the now rather than the past is key to moving on and becoming happier with who your are, what you are doing and where you are going.

Its a reality you need to embrace.

f.  You are sedentary

If you sit around a lot, sitting at the computer all day, then you move from the computer onto the sofa – or it’s where you sit all day long – it is not conducive for happiness.

Get up, get moving and get outside where you can.  Take the stairs, walk a little every day more than the previous day.

The endorphins you release from exercise (even a little ) is vital for creating a good mood and achieving happiness – get out and get moving, get active.  You do not have to be a marathon runner but exercise and being active is a key habit to work on.

g.  Constantly worrying

You are life’s worry wort?   Believe it or not, worrying is a choice like everything else.  You will also probably find that in your family growing up there was another worry wort and you have taken up their life script as your own.

Worry is such a waste of time yet causes so much unhappiness.  Worry is nothing but fear.

Fear is nothing but an excuse to do not do, to put off and not embrace areas of your life that could make you happy or be happy.  You sacrifice so much by worrying and then being fearful – stopping you from relaxing or being happy. You choose that and its a habit that wears so many of us all down.

h.You struggle to forgive and forget

Keeping hold of ill feelings towards someone or something is like carrying a huge weight around with you constantly.  I work with people who when they work on this area of their life and mindset and let it go find its like lifting a huge weight off their shoulders.

WE all have had bad experiences that leave a bad taste in your mouth – but forgiveness is one solution as well as deciding to let the hurt go and its a powerful concept.

Make a decision today to let it go. Learn from it and move on.

i.  You are a perfectionist

Perfectionism is one destructive habit that I had to work on really hard. It was one of my long term life scripts that really hindered and hampered me for my own personal development and engaging fully in a growth mindset.

Maybe its you – but we all know someone who is a perfectionist – trying to pursue perfection in all that you do may sound like a good thing.  If its taken too far, it can be so detrimental and actually hinder you physically but definitely with your emotional and mental health.

Perfectionism can lead to a host of mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and chronic unhappiness.  We can always do better and we can always learn from what does not go right!  It’s ok if things do not go to plan – learn from it and move it. You should be looking to not be a perfectionist but rather about improving your self, personal growth and having a growth mindset.

 j.  You define yourself by your job

Stop it now!  I did this for far too many years and it was a fruitless and very negative habit for me.  I was my job and I thought my job was me.

In the end it really proved the opposite.  I was so unhappy and so disillusioned and cynical by the time I decided to take the plunge and leave for my sanity and my health.  Best move ever

Today so many are in jobs they really do not love or want to do but feel that we are viewed by society as who we are by the job we have and living unhappily in that all.  We are not separate from our professions but believe to be defined by the job, the pay, the level of importance of it all  🙁

For me, once I dealt with this area personally, I was able to realise that I was not defined by my previous job and that really it had kept me back so much for far too long.  Working with a coach was what was key in all of this for me.

Choosing to be happy

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 Choosing to be happy is the first step.  Then you need to work at adopting good habits and remove the bad habits.

It’s practice and time – not always easy.  It’s the best choice you can make and the best start to becoming happier, more content for the future.

If any of the destructive and negative habits resonate with you It’s time to look long and hard at your life.

You can choose to be happy and choose happiness.  I can guide you forward to a happier future.

To book a consultation with mecontact me   Make a choice that is good for you today.

Are you ready to change challenge? Day 4

1186139_10151627081873460_1746621977_nAre you ready to change challenge? Day 4

Over previous few days been asking you to really look hard at yourself and WHY you do and WHY you think as you do – previous self limiting beliefs and conditioning from your past is so too often the reason why people are not successful or happy with what or how they do things.

Are you ready to change challenge? Day 4 – is all about putting that all behind you – I know as said in previously blogs this is only a small part a small fraction of the work that I do with you in a coaching session and set up but it gives you the flavours of what you can do – either through looking at your own journey to change or your own journey of change – reading booking of Life Coaching or other self made people – people of success and finding out what they did – especially if they have originally come from similar backgrounds to yourself.  Often the biggest obstacle to success, happiness and your future is YOU – no one else just You – resolve the issues of the past, let them go, move on and rewrite what it is you really want – who you really want to be, set your goals and go for it.  I have already pointed you in the direction of an Author who I have read and loved her approach, work and ethos.

Are you ready to change challenge? Day 4 is about embedding good habits into your daily routine and day – do you know about Affirmations – mediation time – well every morning and every night I want you to start doing some Affirmations – you can do them to a mirror, when in bed, before go to bed or get up in the morning, out loud or silently to yourself.  BUT do them!

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Just one positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.

Here are some affirmations you can use, or make up your own – but use only positive words and language! After all, you have been using negative affirmations for years – you need to practice now the positive ones to affirm the new you, new image and new start.

Write them in your journal or print them out and pin them where you can see them every day.

*  I like myself

*  I now take responsibility for making my life work

*  My future is full of interesting surprises and wonderful opportunities

*  I am good enough

*  I now know I deserve to have more fun, laughter, money and success

*  I approve of myself completely, including in the presence of others

*  I now choose to like and trust myself and to treat myself with the utmost respect

Repeat them daily – change your self talk to yourself – respect yourself in this new you, new image and new start to care about you and that means to respect yourself – and believe in yourself 100% that you will be and can be successful – remember I asked you for 4 things and self belief and self discipline were 2 of them – this is were the self discipline comes in big time – repeat daily and especially over 30 + days and journal the difference it can make over the coming month or 2 – seriously you will be surprised by the simple but big difference it can make.

Are you ready to change challenge? Day 4 is about “for me” – you showing yourself the respect you need to begin your transformation – metaphorically of course, but hey I am not stopping anyone from making other changes in themselves if that is what you want to do – go for it – I believe in you and trust you 100% to know what your changes need to be and how much you want them.

On my journey I have been making big huge changes – physically, emotionally and psychologically – all have contributed to massive changes happening then all around me within my personal life, family life and business life – I am not perfect nor ever would claim to be – but you know what I have stopped punishing myself, putting myself down (still have to remind that inner voice to stop being critical but getting there) and believing in myself that I have the self discipline and self reliance and resources to be successful in everything that I do – as I do and I can.

So

Are you ready to change challenge? Day 4 –  Well are you?  Are you really ready to change?

are you ready to change?I trust that you are and motivated to really get stuck in – keep your journal, contact me for 1:1 sessions or email/phone coaching details also.

Taking these 7 steps – 1 each day is the start – start to change and enjoy the transformation and enjoy becoming the successful, happy and motivated person that you want to be and can be – respect yourself to be able to do it.

 

 

Are you ready to change challenge – day 3

Are you ready to change challenge – day 3

Well yesterday was a tough day as I asked you to challenge yourself and ask yourself some tough questions –  asking questions about our limiting beliefs is about getting to the root cause of why sometimes we are stopped in our tracks in achieving all that we want – we sabotage ourselves and enforce our negative inner voice/ self talk and therefore feel we fail or do not succeed because we ultimately have been conditioned to from our past.

So

  Are you ready to change – the challenge for day 3 – New you new image new start

You now have some insights on how you operate as a person – you have written out and recognised those beliefs that you have about yourself and those that have been told to you repeatedly over the past years from childhood or even later in adulthood.  But why are you allowing these damaging and controlling beliefs to influence you – now we need to get you working on a new you – not a total change (no personality transplants or anything like that – keeping all the good and lovely things that are you and contribute to you being a unique and individual person) but getting rid of the bad belief systems that you have been conditioned to hearing and believing about yourself for years.

Are you ready to change challenge – day 3 – new you new image new start

This is only a short and brief view into the world of coaching and the coaching process – this is what it is all about – it can be fast, challenging and demanding – I demand a lot from my clients afterall thats what it is all about – making positive and progressive changes – challenging the old ways of doing things and looking for the new ways and solutions to resolving problems – I believe in you that you can do it, make the changes and grow as a person to becoming a more fulfilled, happier, peaceful and resourceful person.  You are your own key to success – dig deep folks and believe me you have it all there – we just need to get the tweaking and tuning right and then off you go and begin to really live the life you truly want to live – both personally and in business – thats the power of coaching.

So Are you ready to change challenge – day 3  is now to work on you – the new you the new image and new start – and we have not even begun to look at the future processes of goal setting or goals for your future or anything – working on you is the start of the journey and what an exciting journey it is going to be and is already.

Are you ready to change challenge – day 3 – Yes I hear you shout – well ok shout it louder and lets begin.

Day 3 – Journal exercise; Complete the following statements………..

a.  The person I am choosing to be from this day on is someone who is ………..

b.  The qualities I most want to emphasise and enjoy in myself are………..

When finished Write this out somewhere – either in the journal or on a separate piece of paper sign and date it – even start a mood board – cork board and cut out inspirational sayings, things you want to work for, photos of self of weight and image you want to achieve (be real as well do not set yourself up to fail).  I have one in my study for each of my businesses and personal one – I have photos of types of villa want to buy when retire – goal and target, what I want for next car, I have printed out date and weight I want to be by christmas and then next year etc ) helps in visualising what I would like both in material terms and also saying that inspire me and things I want to aspire to re short, medium and long term goals in my life and businesses.

Statement:

“I am now ready to give life to this new image of myself, from this day forth.  I commit to reinforcing these qualities until they are a deeply ingrained part of who I am and who I am seen to be.”

Print this out and put it in a prominent position for you to read and see often. Now from today onwards your behaviour, choices and decisions you want to make sure they fit this description of you.  When you are faced with a choice or a decision ask yourself – What is the answer, given the person I am now? I will also recommend a book to read now also – as I have found of all the books I have read recently has really resonated a lot with me personally.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Own-Life-Coach-ebook/dp/B0043VD6BC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376748247&sr=8-1&keywords=fiona+harrold

Read Fiona Harrolds books and check out for yourself how powerful a world coaching can be both for yourself and your business – her books are excellent to read and easy starting points for your journey into becoming a new you and having a new start.

 

Enjoy and have fun – remember this is the start of an exciting journey of self discovery into the new you that you want to be – this new you and new start will be being as unique as you were before but becoming more successful and achieving more of the life that you want to have rather than been told you should have – work on you as starting point and everything will eventually fall into place.

Good luck and lets look forward to Day 4 of the challenge.

 

Are you ready to change challenge – Day 2

Are you ready to change challenge – Day 2

Yesterday I asked you to answer 2 questions;

Who do you think you are? and Who do you need to think you are to have the life you want?

Why did I ask these 2 questions?  Because we need to start with understanding of ourselves and how we see ourselves and especially how you see yourself.

Are you ready to change challenge today is about our own Self belief in ourselves, challenging the self limiting beliefs that we have of ourself, our abilities, talents, business ability and right to be successful or even happy with our life, our selves and what we do or who we are.

Self belief - it starts hereWe need to believe in ourselves (in yourself) 100%, when you view yourself as being worthy of everything good that you can do or create for yourself and regard yourself as worthy of only the best – then you begin to create a world around you that is positive,successful and happy because basically anything becomes possible.  I am not talking about money or finances here – I am talking about living a life that you deserve – happiness, peaceful, financial freedom (it will come if you focus on working on it positively and productively), successful and worthy of deserving all these things.  We need to focus on our good qualities and our strengths but all too often we find ourselves being negative, focusing on our bad qualities, using negative self talk, focusing on our weaknesses and surrounding ourselves with those people who just back all of that up – after all its easier to do that – and many of our own self limiting beliefs from our childhood and past also back that up too – I am not worthy, I do not deserve being happy, successful, financial freedom, its too hard to work that hard, its too much for me, I can not lose this weight, I am not that smart – oh its always me – poor me poor me poor me blah blah blah blah – we allow our inner self talk and our past dictate who we are and what we are doing now, and what we want to do in the future.  Hence we form the `bad` habits of not believing in ourselves and now working on ourselves and making ourselves personally or in business successful – first small defeat or failure – give up and tick the box of more evidence of why we are not worthy of success or happiness.

STOP IT NOW – are you ready for the change challenge?

You said you were ready to commit – you said you are ready for the change challenge – you agreed to the 4 things I asked of you.

Motivation, Self Belief, Self Discipline and Willingness to Challenge yourself.

So do it now – from yesterdays questions put your past behind and focus only on the future – we have been working on being positive, using positive language, being around positive people living positive no matter where.  I know its not easy but start forming the good habits for yourself now for your future – small steps become huge steps and great movements forward – and are the format for making long term habits for successful lives and successful living.

Are you ready to change? – challenge then your self limiting beliefs, let go of the past that is holding you back, silence your negative self talk/ inner voice –  Believe in you 100% 

success starts with self beliefAre you ready to change challenge – start today Believe in yourself – believe you are worthy, deserving and that you can and will be successful and that you will achieve that person you need to be to have the life you want.  Otherwise you will continue to stay in exactly the same place you are now and have exactly the  same results you have now – you are reading this blog and following this challenge for a reason – go on you have nothing to lose and all to gain.

Are you ready to change challenge – You have the motivation now as committed to change – you are now starting that journey of self belief and believing in yourself 100% that you can do it. Now have the discipline to keep on that track over these last 5 days and have the willingness to challenge yourself – start making the changes towards having the life that you want – personal or business.

 Day 2 – Journal – write in this your responses to these statements;

The limiting beliefs I hold about myself are……………………….

The 3 limiting beliefs that hold me back most of all are……………………

From these responses to these statements you now have all the information you need about the most damaging and restrictive ways in which you see yourself. These last 3 main ones show you how powerful their influences have over your life – lets look at changing those beliefs and no longer let your past conditioning influence your life any longer.

1 more for today please if that is ok – I ask you 1 more exercise to do – then tomorrow we are going to move onwards – to leaving them behind and moving on to the new you and leaving them all behind in the past.

Write down in your journal

The cost to me, in my life, of my limiting beliefs is……. (write down 5, no more than 10)

This can be difficult and upsetting – but do not dwell on this long – write them down recognise them for what they are but dwell no longer than necessary acknowledge them and then let go of them.

Are you ready to change challenge – it is now time to let go of the past and begin building your future – tomorrow onwards.

Good luck, have fun with this and enjoy.

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Day 1 – Are you ready to change Challenge?

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Day 1 – Are you ready to change Challenge?

Day 1 of the challenge is to find out if you are ready to commit to the challenge of change.  Are you ready to have a week of challenges to give you a little insight in to coaching and also about how to go about moving towards the life you really want.

Coaching moves people forward, fast and easily – so lets start on the journey of change and of you reaching your full and true potential.

Ok – becoming ready for change is about committing to the process of looking at where you are now and what or where you want to be in the future.  This is only a short 7 day challenge but together during this change challenge  we will look at your life together and I will ask you to be tough on yourself as I want you to commit to action, not talk or excuses but action – become a can do approach rather than `I can`t do that , or I am not able to do that, not yet, not now, maybe later.` Not good enough – if you follow this (its only 7 days and I am asking a small committment here really in the scheme of life of things) make it work for you – what have you got to lose?

Are you ready to change challenge 

1.  Looking at focusing on the here, now and the future – making small steps making small changes – progression forward – always forward

2.  Looking at whats working and what is not and being honest in this with your self.

If its yes to all above.

Then lets make a contract to work with one another for 1 wekk – 7days – let commit to being ready or becoming ready to change.

My committment to you

I will commit to working with you – asking questions and giving direction and challenge.  That I believe in your full potential to do all you can and I believe in you 100% with no judgements and I will bring 100% of myself to you in this 7 day journey.

Your committment to – being ready to change challenge

What I need from you are 4 things;

*Motivation:  vital – you have to want change, you have to be prepared to work at change – if you are willing to do something then your motivation should be high and you are ready to do what changes are needed.

*Self – Belief:  Here is how you believe in yourself deep inside – are you worthy or deserving of good things ie what good things your changes bring to you you accept and enjoy them. Otherwise you will sabotage yourself and your work to keep you from changing and back in your old ways of thinking and believing in yourself – do not under estimate the power of your inner voice for good and not so good in our lives.  Your self-belief might not be brilliant at the moment but we will work on that.

*Self-discipline:    vital – because when the going gets tough it is your self discipline that keeps you moving forward.  Change brings sometimes discomfort and it is on those days when tired, feeling low or feeling not progressing or disillusioned that you need this to kick in to keep you going – this your friend indeed and one many need to keep working on.

and finally

*Willingness to challenge:  being ready to challenge yourself, all you know about yourself and the world you have known around you all your life. To create new ways of thinking and being and open yourself to new possibilities for yourself, both in your personal and business life.

 

So – are you ready for  change challenge

This is only 7 days but you will be surprised how far you can travel in 7 days – start laying your foundation stones or blocks for changing to your ideal life or ideal business life – are you ready to take up the challenge!

Begin a Journal with

Day 1 – Ready to change Challenge – and begin by looking at these few questions. Write your answers in your journal – do it intuitively ie do not think about it too long – just write them and do not be afraid of what you write to either of the questions – trust yourself – never be afraid to have dreams or aspirations – but be honest with yourself – only you will see.

Who do you think you are?

Who do you NEED to think you are to have the life you want?

To start we need to know where we are and then to also know where we are wanting to go – and its the same with ourselves.

Good luck and have fun with this all over the next 7 days – thank you for taking part and I look forward hearing back from you on how your challenge is going.

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